It’s A Good Day To Start Living Your Best Life

You’re unique.

Perfect in your own way.
There is no reason you shouldn’t be comfortable in your skin because God brought you to this moment, this place, this time for a purpose. All of the heartbreak, the disappointment, the moments where you wanted to slap someone or scream in the middle of a workday. That’s okay because that simply shows how strong your spirit is!

There are a lot of people that didn’t make it home last night, a lot of people that didn’t wake up this morning. Men diagnosed with cancer, women that lost babies in the second trimester. But If you’re up and reading this you made it another day.

So make today count! Make it count in your own way! You don’t owe it to anyone to be great, to be special, to be happy but yourself! Life will never be easy and I’m sure I’ve written that before, life isn’t meant to be easy!

I’m not the first man to say this and I won’t be the last but ‘We Are Not Meant To Be Alone!’

We aren’t meant to be sad.

This isn’t a morning note about religion or inspiration, this is a morning note about LIVING! About SMILING! About realizing that  everything may not be great but it’s better than most and for that we can be grateful!

Someone out there loves you, someone prays for you and wishes that they could have your strength! Someone out there wants to be your protection, sanity and bestfriend. Someone out there is waiting for you to apply for that job that doesn’t make your skin crawl when you go to work in the morning!

Believe what you want will happen because what you want and what you need walk hand in hand.

I believe what you want will happen if you’re willing to put in the work to get it! Nothing worth having is going to come easy, prayer is necessary, talking to friends and family to ease your mind is necessary! But more than all that, working hard and not quitting is what will get you there!

There’s no magic formula, be true to yourself and those that hold you down and watch good things happen!

Good Morning and smile today because God didn’t give you another day to be sad

Why Is My Generation Producing So Many Weak Men?

dwhiteI remember sitting in the garage as a kid and listening to my grandfather and our next door neighbor talk about everything from their wives to work. Men have always talked to each other and has conversations, gossiped but it was usually with each other. One man to another, not six or seven guys in a group chat.

I’m not going to sit on this computer and be that guy that’s mocking men for wearing skinny jeans and sweat pants that look like they belong to a 12 year old girl running track. Maybe that’s the style now and it’s a generational thing but I am going to condemn men for no longer wanting to be men.

This isn’t about being gay or straight or transsexual. That’s not what I mean by not wanting to be a man. I simply mean, we have too many guys out here that take more pleasure in taking selfies or arguing online than they do taking out the trash.

I’m sure women get messaged on social media all the time but ask most women when is the last time a man walked over to them, introduced himself. Started a conversation and was interesting and funny and at the end of that encounter, asked for a phone number or a date? It rarely happens anymore, guys would rather argue online about why women suck than actually pursue them. Comment on pictures and get mad when they don’t get a response. It’s not okay and it’s getting worse.

My father’s generation of men dropped the ball. I know too many men and women in their late 20’s to early 40’s that have no relationship or screwed up relationships with their father’s. Men that don’t know what it means to be strong because they never saw it. I know too many guys that have moved from their mothers house to their woman’s house and the only difference is they respect their mom.

It doesn’t make you weak because you don’t make the money your woman makes or because you’re going through a hard time. It makes you weak when you aren’t trying and when you’re too proud to accept help and it’s at the expense of your relationships well being.

You ever been siting on the couch watching a game and your women comes out the room and asks, “How do I look?” She does a little spin and smiles and you give her that look like, “You aren’t wearing that out this house or if I’m not with you.” She knows it’s not coming from insecurity or being controlling. The respect she has for you and your opinion makes her go in that room and change, she respects your strength, even if she feels like the dress isn’t that short or tight. She’ll do it for your peace of mind. When you’re a weak guy, you can’t make those types of request. Asking her to change, to cook when she’s tired, to come home early because you miss her. You can do that when she knows you hold her down.

Saying Goodbye… For Now

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Dear Mama,

I saw you for the last time today on this side. I know that wasn’t you in that coffin, not really, but today I said goodbye to you and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Before the viewing, before the funeral, I was there as soon as the church doors opened. I just needed to talk to you, to see you before everyone else. I needed to be strong for our family and the only way to do that was to get my tears out of the way early.

Tears don’t make you weak, you taught me that.

What makes you weak is not knowing when it’s okay to cry and holding that in. What makes you weak is not putting your faith and strength in God to get you through the tough times. You would have been so proud of us, so proud of the family. We stuck together, stayed with each other most of the day. I even drove half way around the world to be with Kelecia and Alexis tonight. We haven’t hung out like that as adults in forever. I’m not sure we have to be honest with you. It felt good, it felt right.

I find myself coming home looking at the house next door, wondering if you’re looking out the window and then it hits me like a mountain falling on an ant that you’re not there anymore. You knew when I was sad without me having to say a word. You knew when I was broke without me having to say a word. You knew when I needed a hug or just needed a friend.

Everyone probably feels like they have the best grandmother in the world and you can add me to that list. I don’t know if I’m a good man, I believe I am but even when I wasn’t, it was you that held me down and made me understand what I could be.

You’ll never see my children play in the yard or dance at my wedding. You’ll never see me walk across the stage and get that degree. You’ll never… Actually, I’m wrong. You’ll always be watching, always be my guardian Angel. I have so many words, so many stories but in the end, only three word stories matter most. I miss you. I love you. I’ll look out for everyone.

I’ll see you on the other side.

Love Always and Forever,

Mez

4:00am Thoughts From Houston: Fight or Flight

Stop Waiting

Stop Waiting

I have a hard time saying, “I love you.”

Not saying it in the sense that I have a hard time falling in love but just saying the words. I feel like every time I say them too often it loses it’s meaning a little. Those three words are meant to be said during those special moments where your heart skips a beat.

Saying that out loud as I wrote it made me sound Kenny G soft but you get what I mean.

There’s a point in every relationship where you have to make a decision to fight or flight. I’ve been listening to 90.9 KTSU all day while I’m at work and they’ve been playing these old R&B songs. As I listen to them, really listen to them I hear these men talking about these women in a way that men rarely do today. Men talking about loving women that have husbands, men talking about loving women that have moved on but they only want one night.

Music isn’t like that today. Guys brag about sleeping with another mans’ woman but how often do you hear a guy sing about being in love with another mans’ woman? So it made me think, why don’t guys talk about fighting for women anymore? Is it pride? Is it arrogance? Is it feeling that women are replaceable and if she won’t act right another woman will?

Normally I would write in 3rd person as to shift this away from myself but tonight I’ll use me as an example. I think I told myself I would never fight for a woman because how could she truly love me if she allowed another man into her world, into that space where it was even a competition? I get competing for her affections if we’re dating but if we are a couple then how did it make it pass that place that should only be reserved for me?

That was my logic in my younger days and even just a couple years ago but what I came to realize is that thinking like that means you’ve stopped seeing what everyone else sees. Look at a relationship like an NBA season. You could play your ass off and win a championship and enjoy the spoils of that trophy but one day you have to wake up and play that season all over again and the joy you felt from that ring will be eclipsed by the disappointment of not even making the playoffs. So when you get a woman and you win her heart, the season may be over but you still have an entire career worth of Championship moments. Are you willing to compete or are you going to say, “I already won so why am I still giving my all?”

If you push her away or stop being the man you were when she first met you there are repercussions to those actions and life is really cool in this way. Most of the decisions we make are ours to make. Whether you fight or flight; just know in the end you’re the one that has to live with that choice.

Dear God; I’m A Flawed Man

IMG_0128 Dear God,

I can be insecure at times. If I’m being honest at 4am on a Tuesday morning I can be insecure a lot of the times. I wonder if I’m ever going to be the writer I see myself being in my head. I wonder if I’m ever going to be the husband or father I make the characters in my stories out to be. My insecurities are masked by my talent, by my ability to stop people from getting close to me. My insecurities protect me from my fears.

Fears that consume me. Fears that I drown in the unrelenting sea of bottles that have come to comfort me. Fears that hold my confidence in their hands like the oceans hold fish and ships. Fears that I’m not sure I will ever overcome. Fears that aren’t based in race or religion or sex but fears that are based in emotional and mental uncertainty.

Why is it that I was created this way? Why is it that I can’t see what everyone else seems to see in me? Does it make me weak? Does it make me undeserving of the life you’ve given me? Sometimes I don’t know where I’m going or where I’m destined to be. Sometimes I don’t know just how much my life matters or is going to matter in this world. There are times I’ve looked for signs, prayed for guidance only to feel more lost than when I first fell to my knees.

Last week at this same time before the sun rose I stood on a beach letting the waves wash over me looking out into the horizon trying to see my future. Trying to see if I could be a man better than my father, trying to see if I can be a man better than the man I am now. As the sun rose and my eyes burned from the salt and the tears I couldn’t see it. Falling to my knees in that sand I felt as though. I felt as though I felt nothing which is the worst feeling in the world.

Will I lose everything dear to me, everyone I love? Will I forsake the love you have for me and fall to doubt, envy, insecurity, fear? Or will I rise. Will I grow into the King’s blood that pumps into my flawed heart?

I write about relationships and love. I write about life and responsibility. And even though I have an amazing woman in my life and an amazing family at times I feel as though they’re all an illusion. A dream that turns into a nightmare when I awake and they’re no longer going to be here.

For a man that prides himself on not really needing friends and being able to spend hours and days alone just writing; the thought of being alone in this world scares me more than standing on a beach with a sword waiting on a thousand ships with 10,000 soldiers bearing down on me. Death doesn’t scare me, war or tension don’t scare me. But the idea, the thought of dying unaccomplished or alone scares me to death.

This morning, I just want to talk to you God, write to you. To ask that you don’t give up on me. To ask that you don’t allow me to give up on myself. I will keep fighting with your help. I will keep living with your help. I just need you.

In Your Darling Son Jesus’s Name,

Amen

~ Demez

Faith Over Everything 

  The last time I was in a chapel at a hospital was the morning my grandfather died. When I walked in there were people of all races and religions praying because disease has no gender or color. Death doesn’t have a minimum or maximum age requirement.
That morning I got on my knees and didn’t ask God for anything but peace for my grandfather. Being here now, in this same chapel, my faith has grown stronger. I didn’t talk to God for a long time after that; that loss and anger overwhelming me. It wasn’t until I accepted that same peace that I asked for that I was able to move on. 
~ Demez

Conquering Demons

Conquering Demons

I’m not really sure why I’m up at 3:30am when I have to be at work in 3 hours. I’d like to say it’s because I’m writing but the truth is all I’ve been doing is lying on this couch watching SportsCenter on mute. When I was younger I thought I was an alcoholic until I met some people that had real problems with liquor. Then I realized I wasn’t even close.

There are moments where I feel like it’s all been a blur. Where life is constantly moving and I’m not moving fast enough with it. That scares the hell out of me.

Everytime I meet a new woman and we’re doing well and I’m charming and funny and cool she always asks, “I don’t get it; why are you single?” I’m single because I’m self destructive. I’m not even sure I know how to love someone or make them happy. I know I want to, I know I get lonely, frustrated thinking about it.

My demons are that my talent and insecurities go hand in hand. The same traits that give me the imagination to tell amazing stories have me up in the middle of the night analyzing and over thinking.

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