Being Depressed Isn’t A License to Be Destructive

Depression can come and go like the weather. One minute it’s sunny and breezy and you can’t wait to go get a drink on your favorite patio bar and the next minute it starts to storm and you don’t have an umbrella. When you do get in the car, you realize you need gas and the windshield wipers aren’t working like they’re supposed to.

It hits you quick and hard and can be paralyzing to the point where you feel as though you don’t have the mental or physical energy to do anything. It’s in these moments where you have to fight the urge to be self-destructive.

I’m going to let you all in on a little secret. Everyone you know has battled some form of depression or mental illness. It can be something as simple as losing your job or breaking up with a mate. Our brains interpret that pain and hurt as though it’s actual physical pain. When these moments of shock of happen you can’t use them as excuses to be destructive.

“I’m not happy in my relationship,” so I’m going to go find happiness between the legs of someone else. “I’m not getting what I need from my job,” so I’m going to leave work that other people are depending on me to finish undone. These are self-destructive traits and when you wake up from this cloud of depression you’ll have to deal with the consequences that came from your bad decisions.

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I often write that the fundamental problem with most adults, men and women, is that we are unwilling to accept our roles in our own depression and bad situations. It is human nature to look out and see how someone has wronged you. When we should be looking within ourselves. You can be an amazing woman and do everything a man asks but he cheats and you have a right to say it’s his fault. But after you get past the tears, the depression, the anger, there’s a part of you that knows you saw the signs and chose to ignore them. There’s a part of you that knows you looked the other way when things didn’t feel right. You aren’t the one that broke the trust but you are the one that should have been honest with yourself.

Talk to someone.

Be honest about your feelings and allow your mind to pursued your heart out of foolishness.

4 Ways to Help Him Through A Quarter Life Crisis

20140822-233539.jpg I’d never complain about being a man. I have no problem saying I’d suck at cramping or being pregnant and I definitely wouldn’t take to constant Facebook messages or sexual harassment too well. No, I love being a man but there’s one thing that we can all admit. It’s not okay for a man to show weakness or to be vulnerable with everyone. Don’t mistake this with it’s okay to not have emotions or to talk, it’s just not okay unless she means something to you.

Expectations are an amazing thing. They often force us to reach heights we didn’t even know we could reach but there’s also the weight of expectations that can be heavy on our pride and mental makeup. You reach a certain age and you aren’t feeling as accomplished as you should be, it’s not an easy thing to deal with. You can become withdrawn, depressed and some may see it as feeling sorry for yourself but it’s bigger than that. You don’t stop living or working, you just stress more. Having a woman there to take some of that stress away, some of that edge away, that makes all the difference in the world.

“I’m Proud of You.” This may seem small or insignificant but hearing this from the right woman when you’ve had a bad day or bad month or didn’t reach a goal you set for yourself. It fixes everything in that moment. You look at her eyes or hear her voice and you just feel as though you can take on the world in spite of any obstacles that come your way. “I’m proud of you,” means you believe in me. It means you see the small steps I’m taking and are just as excited about those as you are about the big steps.

“Dance With Me.” I love silly, serious women. That’s a thing. Women that are about their business and work and are busy but when she’s with you she has that silly side, that playful side, that laugh that you know not too men have gotten to see. She sees you at your desk writing or sitting on the couch sulking and she grabs your hand and shakes her hips and says, “come dance with me Mez” and in those moments where you’re feeling her body and her energy and holding her waist her hands or grabbing her ass you feel better. Holding her, dancing with her is better than alcohol, sex, Crave cupcakes. It’s better because it’s organic, it’s in the moment, it’s intimate in the most non-sexual but sensual way.

“I Told Someone About You.” There are a lot of ways to show a man you love him or care about him. There are a lot of ways to show affection or to cheer someone up. You can never go wrong with sex or a bottle of his favorite liquor or his favorite meal. But for me nothing puts a bigger smile on my face than knowing a woman wants professional success for me just as much as I do. When she calls or text saying, “A friend told me they needed a writer so I mentioned you.” Or “I know you haven’t been happy where you are so I was looking online and I saw this,” and she sends me a link to a company or opportunity. Those little gestures have such a huge impact because you know she’s selfless and your happiness means that much to her.

“Come to Bed.” One of the first things to go when you’re stressing or not happy is sleep. Some men drink themselves to sleep, others take whatever pill they can find. Some just scroll social media all night or try and work. When a woman comes and rubs your neck or back and pulls you off the couch or out of your office and says, “come to bed” you do it. Maybe she doesn’t want to sleep alone, can’t sleep without your warmth but more than that she just wants to have you close. There’s so much intimacy in those before dawn conversations about life, work, family, stresses. Her semi naked body wrapped around yours, her head on your chest and that conversation is therapy. Maybe it ends in earth shattering sex but it’s not about that. It’s about that connection, that bond that’s being strengthened. Even if you only get a couple hours of sleep there’s comfort in knowing she can’t sleep without you.

7 Awkward Everyday Moments

7 Awkward Everyday Moments

When you’re in the restroom, make eye contact with a guy and he doesn’t wash his hands. I can see not washing your hands if you didn’t see me but you saw me see you. Nasty!

When you’re at a restaurant with a friend and she’s talking about another guy but looks down when the check comes. “Dude, we’re friends, I wouldn’t pay for my boy’s fondue I’m not paying for yours.” When I was younger I’d probably do it out of some misguided idea of what a man is supposed to be but not now.

You’re in a parking lot knowing you’re going down the wrong way of a one way and someone is coming in the right direction. Do I back up? Do they back up? I’m already going to wrong direction so backing up would just make matters worse, they’re looking like, “What’s up man! You’re going the wrong way.” Awkward.

You make it to a restaurant right before they’re about to close, you already feel a little bad because it’s 10:50 and they close at 11:00 but you’re starving. The servers are looking at you like, “really bro?!” They serve you, your food comes out and they screwed up your order. Everyone’s waiting to leave and you have to send it back. Awkward.

You’re texting a woman all night, she finally hits you with that combination smiley face, lol, wyd. You tell her “I’m chilling” and she asks if you want some company. You jump up, clean the house like Superman trying to save Louis Lane and when she gets there and sees the candles and hears the music and you two look at each other and her eyes say, “Did you think you were getting some ass?” Awkward.

You buy an outfit, you are feeling the hell out of yourself. It fits right, it looks right, the haircut is right and then you get to where you’re going and it’s lame. There are no women, the place is half empty so you creep on out. Carefully hang up the outfit, make sure there’s no stains, no wrinkles. Knowing you can wear it tomorrow. Only to realize someone shot a picture of you while you weren’t looking. Now you’re tagged in it online and the outfit is wasted. Awkward.

You’re eating at work, you’ve cooked an amazing meal and it’s been on your mind since the night before when you were too tired to eat it. You sit down to eat, steam coming off the container and the sad guy in the office sits right across from you drinking water out a styrofoam cup. Looking at your food like, “You sure do have a lot.” You ignore him and savor every bite. Awkward.

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Stress Relievers

20140627-230359.jpg Leaving the meeting he knew it was his fault. Everyone in the room knew it was his fault though none of them were willing to say it. It was his 3rd big screwup in as many months and it wasn’t like him at all.

Loosening his tie, closing his office door all he could think was, “Why is this happening?” The mistake had been made and sitting in an empty office on a Friday wasn’t going to fix it.

Scrolling though his phone only one number stood out, “I can’t focus, I’m fucking up. You want to get a drink?” The text read.

“I want you to come fuck me,” she responded.

Between work and work he hadn’t seen her in a month, as soon as he read to text he could feel himself getting hard. Adjusting his dick, looking at the stack of contracts on his desk; he just walked out the office.

“This shit can wait until Monday.” He said to no one in particular.

Normally there would be some playful back and forth. He’d ask her if he needed to bring anything, if she was hungry. Not today though. “I want you to come fuck me.” Seeing those words over and over on his screen did something to him. Running red lights he justified as yellow, rolling through stop signs, weaving through cars in traffic he needed to relieve the stress that had him drinking and not sleeping.

Every 5 minutes or so he would get a picture. The first was just a bra and panties on the bed, “Should I put them on or nah?” The second was her in a short robe, clear she’d just gotten out the shower by the way it was sticking to her. It was open but just enough. Her hands on where her panties should have been. “If you don’t hurry and get here I’m starting without you!” The 3rd picture almost made him hit two cars. Her robe was on one side of the bed, her lingerie was on the other. A vibrator lying beside her. On all fours, completely naked, her legs spread. “Thank God for timers on camera phones. I swear I’ve never been this wet.” He put the phone face down and images flashed before his eyes like lightening.

10 minutes later he was pulling into her driveway. Ready to bang on the door he thought about it and it was unlocked. Walking inside, music playing, candles burning. Her in the kitchen in the same robe, in the same heels. Not saying a word, just kissing her hard, sucking on her bottom lip, cupping her breast. Her trying her best to unbuckle his pants with his hands making the come here motion inside of her.

Biting her shoulder, licking her neck, the robe hanging from the ceiling fan, her bent over! That first moment he slides in, the tightness and wetness gripping him. One hand on the back of her neck, the other hand alternating between slapping her ass and the finger in her ass.

No taking it slow, no warming up or finding a rhythm. Just him trying to relieve the stress and her all so willing to be that stress reliever.

Demez F. White