Find Someone That Can Help You

IMG_0629When I was growing up my grandfather and uncles would always tell me to “find a woman that can help you.” And I never really understood what they were saying because for the most part they all worked and paid all the bills. Were they telling me to get a woman that would “take care of me?” Were they telling me to be a leech? That literally made no sense to me, especially coming from them.

Now that I’m older I’m starting to understand what they meant and it has nothing to do with a woman “taking care of you.” I believe it has to do with finding a woman that understands she has to be someone that knows what she has to do. That knows it not only takes more than one income but knows how to make moves that will benefit the relationship.

This is the thing about life. If you aren’t going forward, you’re going backwards, because even if you’re standing still you aren’t progressing.

I’m at work listening to this new Drake album and one thing stands out to me. He keeps referencing that “I did this all by myself.” And it’s music so I won’t take it literally but I have noticed that our generation has this mindset of, “I’m doing this alone and that makes me cool.” The thing is though, none of us do this alone. No man or woman is an island and what’s important is that you find someone who wants to not only help you keep your island afloat but who wants to make your island the best island ever.

I never write about marriage because I’m not even engaged nor have I ever been married. I’d feel like a snake oil salesman trying to tell a woman how to be a wife or a man how to be a husband. But I do often write from my own mistakes. I have been with women that weren’t doing so well and instead of being supportive or calming I was an asshole. Dismissive, belittling, impatient. Everything I tell men not to be. Finding someone that can help you isn’t just finding someone to split bills with. It’s finding someone that will understand when there’s no money to split bills with. That will still see your worth after life happens. Anyone can help with a check, can you help when the light at the end of the tunnel feels 500 miles away?

Do You Believe In Me?

Do You Believe In Me?

Tell me I’m not crazy. Tell me all this writing and stressing and feeling like I’m going to matter isn’t just in my head. Tell me you believe in me.

Tell me you read and it means something to you. Tell me it touches you and you want more. Do you believe it’s good, do you believe it has the foundation to get better, do you believe I can get better?

I have readers, maybe even a fan or two but I need to know what you believe. I can do this but I can’t do this alone. I can do this alone but it would be so much easier if you saw it like I did.

Do you believe in me?

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Expectations and Life…

385448_213663785373354_118911191515281_532154_1408080341_nThere are often times when I wondered why God hasn’t given me the wife and son I desired so much and then blessings or opportunities happen and I sit back and laugh at my own naivety. He did give me the wife I want, those are my novels and short stories. He has given me the son I craved, those are the scripts that will be on movie screens or television series in the next year or so. Sometimes I’ve been so busy looking for the forest that I didn’t see the trees.

Opportunities don’t fall out of the sky; we create them with hard work, with faith, with support and with our God given abilities! There’s the moments you feel down, the times you feel let down and the times you’ll be beaten down but all of those only lead to feeling that much more redeemed when success happens.

Expectations are a tricky thing, they sort of sneak up on you before you know it. One minute you’re talking about what you want and the next minute you’re living it. I remember when I used to write for Facebook likes and I’m not being funny by the way. I would write a story, tag several people and when someone would like it or comment on it I’d feel like I’d just won the Pulitzer Prize. Those were simpler days…

Now I have all these people that need me to write for them and they need it to be great! They’ve invested business plans, money, time, energy and their all into success and my writing is the last cog in the wheel. They know what they want, now they need my writing to sell it. I adore those expectations but I also fear them. And what I’ve learned is that fear is a great motivating tool, especially the fear of regressing. I’m literally a couple pages away from seeing my name in film credits, in TV credits, you know how cool that feels? But to be this close and it not to happen, that would hurt worse than the worst heartbreak I could imagine. So I’ll make sure the writing is everything it has to be and more!

These past couple of years have taught me that business is just business, there are no friendships or honor in the career I’ve chosen. Because in the end and there will aways be an end, money trumps all. Egos, arrogance, reputation, checks, they break any perceived friendships and I’ve come to accept that.

In my mind, I have accepted the fact that I will be a great writer.

With great expectations comes great responsibility and I will SMASH both!

2010 was the foundation.

2011 was the introduction.

2012 was a lot of lessons.

2013 will be the start of the evolution.

Dancing For Him

20140104-164344.jpgHe wasn’t himself. He wasn’t flirting with me, his laugh wasn’t the same. The house was freezing even though it was breezy outside. Usually all his windows would be open.

“Let’s get out tonight. My treat babe! We can go to Kams, have some wineeee.” I sat on the ottoman in front of him and took the glass out of his hand.

“Did you mix this with anything?!” It was so strong I got up to get myself a glass of juice. The kitchen was spotless, the bedroom was spotless. The floors shiny.

When he was stressed he cleaned. He got that from his grandmother.

I walked into his bedroom and opened his closet. Picking a shirt and tie I stepped out of my dress and bra and laid them across the bed. I hated seeing him like this and nothing I was saying was getting to him. So I’d have to try something else. His iPod was lying next to his watches and wallet, I turned to a Jeezy song I could really pop it to but then I realized something sexier was needed tonight. I found Dirty Diana by Prince, this would work better. Buttoning two buttons on the shirt and placing the tie around my neck I walked in the living room and placed the iPod on the dock.

“I’m here for you in whatever way you need me to be. Right now you need to clear your mind. Let me help you do that.”

The song started, I started to step on the ottoman with my heels on but kicked them off. I whipped my hair and bit my lip, swung my hips and fell to my knees playing with the buttons on the shirt. Moving my body to the rhythm of the guitar. Opening my legs in front of him I moved my middle finger along the edge of my panty line.

Our eyes were connected, I wasn’t touching him but I could feel his heart beating. Stepping down I straddled him and placed the tie around his neck, using it for leverage I rode him like we were naked, I could feel him responding through his jeans.

“You’re the only man I’ve ever danced for. I love you.”

His lips found my neck and his hands my ass. “I’m scared. I need you, I can’t do this alone.”

I grabbed his face and stopped dancing. Wiping his tears I kissed him like I needed him. I was trying to suck and kiss his pain away. If I could make it not hurt for him I would.

“You don’t have to do this alone.”