Know the Difference Between Someone That Needs You; And Someone That Needs How You Make Them Feel

needYou ever felt unappreciated? Felt like you weren’t valued? I’m assuming we’ve all felt that way at one point in our lives. You’re doing everything you can for whatever situation you’re in and sometimes all you need is a, “I’m proud of you,” or an “I see the work you’re putting in.” When it never comes it can be demoralizing. You start to stop working as hard as you were because you feel like no one is noticing. And then it happens, someone comes along and compliments you. Tell you you’re doing a great job. They tell you everything you’ve been wanting and needing to hear and it warms you.

You go from feeling alone and lonely to feeling like someone sees you. You start to crave that feeling, you start to need that feeling. It isn’t coming from the person or company or whatever you wanted it to come from but for now it’s better than nothing. For now it feels like it’s coming from Heaven. It’s like getting water when you thought you were about to drown. It’s like sitting by a warm fire when before there was nothing but snow.

When someone needs you, loves you, there is no comparison. There is no Walmart or Kroger’s brand that can take your place. There’s no, “Do you know how many men or women want me?” “Do you know how many men or women text me?” Because they don’t see anyone else, no one else will do. But when someone simply needs how you make them feel, there’s always an alternative. Always someone they can call if only for one ride home from work. There’s always a text they can send and then delete like it never happened. They aren’t going on dates or lying but that feeling they need to feel; it doesn’t have to be you. That’s how you know.

I hate when people call me a good man. This isn’t the point in the article where I need people to comment, “but you are a good man.” That’s not why I wrote that. I hate when people say it because how can I be a good man with some of the things I’ve done? Some of the ways I’ve treated people? Some of the lies I’ve told? Does a year? Two years? Six months of redemption wash away the sins of my past? I’m not sure I’ll ever truly be a good man but I am sure I won’t stop trying. And I won’t let anyone make me feel as though it’s ever too late.

Don’t let people use you for your goodness because once they have what they want. They would have gotten what they needed and you’re back at square one.

~ Demez

The Beauty Is In the Imperfections

20140623-125738.jpg The Beauty Is In the Imperfections

Attraction is one of the most raw qualities we have. You can’t control it, there’s no internal debates, you just see a person and know you want them.

Attraction is natural and understandable. What’s not natural nor understandable is degrading or insulting others. We throw around words like ugly, dumb, fat, gay, stupid and no matter if they’re said out of hate, sarcasm, humor or anger they leave mental and emotional scars.

Everyone is beautiful to someone even if that someone isn’t you. What I don’t understand is why people focus so much on who they aren’t attracted to? What’s the value in that? In telling a person they’re ugly or fat or stupid. Focus on what does attract you to someone, on what does make you happy.

It took me a long time to find out who I was.

I was born with a misshaped head, the doctors screwed up. It was literally crooked, warped, whatever word you want to use. For years kids mocked me, made fun of me. There were days I didn’t even want to go to school. I literally had to have my gallbladder removed from anxiety and eating problems. Ugly, weirdo, whop head. Kids are relentless and some adults. It got better over the years but that changed me. It made me appreciate nice people. It’s why I despise bullies and the cowards that ignore them. I fought back by learning to hide the hurt, by learning to be the smartest guy in the room, self deprecating. It’s why I started writing, an outlet.

Life is a gift and for years I felt sorry for myself. Oral surgery for better teeth, cologne, watches, clothes. Anything to cover what I thought were imperfections. My entire life I’ve been called smart, funny, manner-able and none of that compared to the first time a woman called me handsome. I didn’t even believe her. I’m confident now, secure but that are a lot of people that aren’t.

I fought a lot but it didn’t stop so I learned to use words. Really hateful words in an articulate way. Words that cut people at their core. I learned to hide the emotions that came from insults.

Let people be great. When you feel the urge to mock someone, compliment them. Love outweighs hate.

Demez F. White