What’s Worse than the Friendzone? The “You’re Better than Nothing Zone”

R.I.P Cupid

R.I.P Cupid

What’s Worse than the Friendzone? The “You’re Better than Nothing Zone”

“He is not my first choice for a Valentine but at the moment he asked I had no other options. And I think it’s sweet that he asked. I’m not interested in him. Not attracted to him. He’s cool though. I need a gift that says “Thanks for the movie and dinner. You are not getting a kiss when it’s over, but I really appreciate hanging with you. This date doesn’t mean anything to me besides confirming that you are cool.” C.R.

I won’t use her name to protect the innocent but I read this post today on one of my social media networks. The post itself made me take a step back and look at my computer but it was the several hundred comments that really got my attention. Women didn’t seem to have a problem with it while men were literally outraged that this poor guy was going to go home with not so much as a kiss or even aware that he was literally “better than nothing.”

Over the past couple of years the friendzone has become a place men go when the woman they desire doesn’t want to date them but still hangs out with them. In essence it’s become a bad thing but the truth is it’s not that bad. Developing friendships can help us socially, professionally, emotionally and even romantically. Once you get past the fact you won’t see her naked or feel her lips you can embrace knowing you’ve met someone you can have drinks with and talk to, there’s no pressure once you’ve established what lines won’t be crossed. Who knows, after a year or so maybe things progress pass friendship. That’s not the case at all with the, “You’re better than nothing zone.” There won’t be a comfort level, there’s no sexual tension or intense moments up against the car. You’re just a guy, a warm body that’s better than her watching Lifetime or hanging out with that bitter girlfriend that just got dumped.

Men and women have completely different mindsets when it comes to dating and matters of the heart. Most of the women seemed to think it was perfectly fine that she was entertaining this man she had no interest in. “At least he has a foot in the door,” “Maybe he can charm his way into her liking him.” The men were more straight forward, there’s no point if there’s no interest.

No matter how the date works out the point is still the same, he isn’t going to have sex on Valentine’s, there will be no kiss and no lap dance. No being invited in for a night cap while she gets more comfortable. For as much as Valentine’s day is about romance and love and sexy nights it’s about the potential for more.

The “free food” guy gets called when she’s hungry and doesn’t feel like cooking or doesn’t have any money but at least she probably likes him.

The “booty call” guy at least gets sex.

The “friendzone” guy literally has her trust, concern and friendship. She’ll introduce him to other women, call and ask if he needs anything before she comes over.

Then there’s the “better than nothing” guy and for him there’s really no peace. All he can hope is that she doesn’t stay on her phone all night and that she doesn’t order too many drinks. After all, who wants to pay for all those drinks if you don’t have tipsy sex?

14 Perfectly Romantic Valentine’s Ideas

vday idea 14 Perfectly Romantic Valentine’s Ideas

14- Get a list of about 30 songs, some hip hop, some love songs, some oldies. Buy a couple aprons and her favorite liquor and make a pizza and hot wings together. You can get a recipe online or buy the dough already made. You avoid crowds and make a mess, good times.

13- Give her a bunch a money in a card when some heartfelt words. Women love money, they love words. The sex will be great and you can go out on the 15th when flowers are regular price again.

12- Hire a masseuse to come in and give you two a massage. They’re a lot cheaper than you think. Invest in some candles, some thick plush white towels and make a day of it.

11- Take her to a restaurant that you’ve never been to that you know will be packed but make reservations. Hold her hand, walking through the crowd and while everyone else is waiting you go straight to your seat. She’ll be beyond turned on.

10- Go the fun route, go to the gym and workout together, it’ll be empty. A lot of people get this idea that Valentine’s Day has to be romantic, sometimes it just has to be a good day.

9- Today marks a week before it’s Valentine’s, ask her to take a half a day next Friday and meet you at a hotel. Get some takeout, some wine and have hotel sex. I don’t know why but it just feels different. But remember to stop and get her some fancy soap. Women love fancy soap.

8- Role playing is underrated. Of course you have the sexy nurse and cat burglar type of roles but I’m talking something simpler. Showing up and pretending to be two strangers, letting the stories roll. You have to have an artistic personality and be creative but it could be fun with the right approach.

7- Just ask her what she’d like to do.

6- Write her a love letter for every special day you have shared. Maybe some of the days she doesn’t even remember. Like the first day you saw her, the first day you kissed her, the first day you made love to her. Write to her about a moment where you were having a horrible day and she saved you, made you smile. Give them to her while you’re driving and then drive far, let her read them in the passenger seat with music playing and memories spinning.

5- Take a trip. Tell her to pack a bag and you’ll be gone for three days. If she trust you and feels safe she’ll roll with it. Big is always great but a small road trip is good too. Don’t let money dictate how much fun you can have.

4- Slow dance at the top of a parking garage.

3- Take her shopping and let her model the clothes for you.

2- Send something to her office that she can share. Women love bragging even if they’re modest. Send cookies or cupcakes or food to her job, enough where she can share. Where all her co-workers can see. Let other people know she’s loved.

1- Kiss her a lot, cuddle on the couch, order Chinese, bit her thighs, lick her stomach. Enjoy the moment.

Why Valentine’s Day Matters…

fancy boxMy name is Demez White and I can’t stand negative people. I don’t like to be around them, I don’t like to talk to them or date them. Life is too short to hate everything or to be so cynical.

I’m the guy that lives alone and has no children but still decorates for Christmas. I’m the guy that will buy flowers for a first date, pick you up if it’s storming or if it’s late at night and I don’t like the idea of you going to Whataburger alone. And guess what??? I still love the idea of Valentine’s Day no matter how good I treat my “her” every other day of the year.

I’m fully aware that there is a segment of our population that hates everything. Valentine’s Day is commercial, Christmas is about Jesus, not about gifts, Mothers Day is just a Hallmark Holiday, “you should honor your mom every day. I won’t tell those people to shut up because they feel how they feel but I will say this, “Just because you don’t like something, why try and convince everyone else not to like it?” If you’re so happy with your everyday life, why are you putting down other people that take pleasure in something you don’t even care about?

I have one of the most loving families you’ll ever meet. We celebrate birthdays, graduations, have Sunday dinners and care about each other’s feelings. Every year when I did have someone I made sure to go out of my way for her because if I was with her she deserves it. And this idea that “you should do it every day” doesn’t work for me. Because as a man I’m not going to go over the top every day. I can’t go to Crave and get special cupcakes every day; I can’t go to Victoria’s Secret and get special Valentine’s Day tops every day.

So you keep on hating Holidays and life and worrying about what makes other people happy and me and the people like me will just stay in our lane with the people that think like us.

Happy Valentine’s Day or in your case, Happy Thursday.