A Man Who Finds A Wife Finds A Life

Wife is Life

Wife is Life

“Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all. Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears The Lord is to be praised. Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.” Proverbs 31:29-31

I’ve never claimed to be the most religious man in the world but what I am above all else is spiritual. I believe that treating people right, doing right by your family and friends and strangers matters in life. Above all else I believe that when a man finds a woman he wants to make his wife; he’s found a life.

The other day some people were talking about how men that have been divorced make better boyfriends, better husbands. Their logic was they’ve already made the mistakes so they know what not to do. I can’t say I fault their logic, isn’t it human nature to want a readymade product? I don’t see it like that though.

I’ve never been married and I very much want a wife, I want a family. Is there a possibility that I’ll be a bad husband, a bad father, a bad provider? No. There isn’t that possibility at all. I know most people will tell you never to be so decisive about who you are and in most cases I’d agree. Never say never. Not in this case though. I won’t fail her, no matter what it takes once I feel in my heart that I want to make this woman my wife I won’t fail her.

Ask any divorced couple you run across if they thought they would get a divorce on their wedding night? Ask a woman that gave every possible ounce of herself to save her marriage if she could have done more and she’ll look at you like, “You just don’t get it.” Ask a man that watched his wife fall out of love with him if he quit on his marriage, he’ll tell you, “It takes two to fight for that union and I was fighting alone.”

I stopped writing that my first marriage, my first wife, would be my only wife because I felt like I was saying that all the people that have been divorced weren’t willing to fight for their marriage. I felt like by saying I wouldn’t let her fall out love with me or give her a reason to not be happy that I know something all these other couples didn’t know. So for the longest time I stopped saying it, I stopped writing “When I get married, it’s God sending me what I’ve been asking for.” I was wrong. It’s not that I’m a better man than these men that have been divorced. It’s not that the woman I’ll marry is a better woman.

Faith means you can’t look at what may go wrong. Faith means just because one out of two married couples are getting divorced, that doesn’t mean you carry around a mindset like, “Let me prepare myself if this doesn’t work.” My mindset is that my first wife, the woman I have my first child with, the first woman I propose to. She’ll be it. We’ll have this life where we build a home, raise a family, help each other grow. I won’t apologize for wanting and believing that we can get it right the first time. A man that finds a wife finds a life because we aren’t meant to do this alone. Life isn’t a fairytale but that doesn’t mean we can’t have happy endings.

~ Demez F. White

Why You Should Wait Until Marriage to Have Sex (Not What You Think)

imagesCAC5JOYD Why You Should Wait Until Marriage to Have Sex (Not What You Think)

Someone is going to read this and ask, “How is the guy that writes erotica and loves date nights advocating for no sex until marriage?” That’s not exactly what I’m saying. I’m not a virgin and the odds that I’ll meet a woman that’s a virgin are slim but this isn’t about virginity. It’s about simply waiting. In an age where everything is about instant gratification and how soon can I get what I want now would it be so bad to date a person and not have sex with them until there’s an “I Do?” The truth is we know how good sex feels, we know how much it connects us but aren’t those the reasons why it should be sacred? Imagine meeting a person, dating, laughing, kissing and going through this process knowing that they mean so much to you, you were willing to wait.

This isn’t about what any of us have done in the past, whether you’ve slept with 2 men or 200, whether you’ve had a woman in your bed last night or last month. It’s about what you’re going to do now. When we have sex with someone we’re giving a piece of ourselves to them. Call it turning her out, call it being sprung, it’s all a connection we can’t ignore. Aren’t our bodies worth more than that?

If you’re dating a woman with the sincere intentions on one day making her your wife what’s the matter with waiting? I’m not saying you can’t flirt or come to the edge a couple times but isn’t that reward worth pulling back? We’re not animals we should be able to have self control. For most of us, what has sex gotten us outside of pleasure? Children that a lot of people aren’t ready for, emotions and connections that made us do stupid things. Sex is a reward that God gave man and woman for coming together. That ability to create a child, if you just think about how amazingly beautiful that is, you can’t help but smile. That’s not meant to be taken in vain. I can admit to falling short and this article isn’t about judgment or about what we’ve done but about what we’re going to do.

It won’t be easy, they’ll be nights where wine has flowed and sexual tension is boiling. They’ll be nights where you remember the women that came before her and how good they felt and by just looking at her you know she’ll feel ten times better. You’ll have to get up and go home at midnight or sleep on the couch just because you know that there’s no way either of you will be able to say no tonight. It will not be easy but I can promise you it will be worth it. I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting my wife yet but I have had the pleasure of being with women and I had the displeasure of feeling that guilt afterwards. I don’t want to feel that anymore. I vow today that the next woman I sleep with will be the woman I’ve just taken vows with. You should join me!

Demez . White

Vowing to Love Yourself

381362_610561693495_118401058_31642797_1750460711_n I’ve often wondered what it would be like to stand in front of God and the people I love and recite vows to the woman that will have my children and help me build a life. I’ve written vows in my writing, I’ve thought about it when I was in love or watched 27 Dresses or the Best Man. For a man that’s so good with words, what would be the perfect words to say on that day if or when that day comes?

The truth is it doesn’t matter how much you love someone else if you don’t love yourself. The best thing we can do is look in the mirror and recite vows to ourselves. I vow to respect myself and my body, I vow to love, honor and cherish my mind, heart and spirit. I vow to not give into the temptation of the flesh unless there is true and sincere love attached. I vow to do everything possible to become the sort of man I would want my sisters or cousins or daughters to marry. With these vows I live and die. Making a covenant with ourselves instills a sense of pride in us, a sense of peace that you can’t have if you don’t love yourself. How can I love and honor and expect to be the head of a house, how can I ask a woman to love me like God loves the church if I’m not the man that I need to be? The answer to that question is: I can’t.

Vow to be the person that doesn’t feel guilty the moments after you make love to someone.

Vow to be the person that can do a good deed out the kindness of your heart and you won’t have people question your motives.

Vow to smile more today than you did yesterday.

Life is too short to waste your time wasting time. Spending time with people you don’t want, having sex and relationships and building trust with people you can never see yourself marrying? What purpose does that serve? When you do things like that, when we do things like that… All we’re doing is breaking the vows that we make with ourselves. You deserve to be happy and how can you be happy if you know in your heart the love that share with a good person isn’t true? Don’t feel guilty. Just because someone has God in their heart or treats you great doesn’t mean they’re right for you. Vow to not settle and to recognize your worth.

Marriage Counseling III ‘Date Night’

When I woke up this morning there was a note tapped to the mirror in the bathroom.

“Dear Wife… I made you a spa appointment at the Four Seasons for 11am. A car will be there to pick you up around 10:30. Pack a bag for a day or two and set the alarm when you leave. They’ll be further instructions for you at the hotel. I’m looking forward to our date. I love you.”

I read the note 3 more times before I remembered that the car would be here in an hour. He’d always start the night in the bed with me but around two or three he’d go to the home gym or his office and just be in his own world.

At first I just knew if he wasn’t touching me he was touching someone but I checked all our phone records, his emails, popped up at his office during lunch and there was no one else. I think I just wanted a fight. To scream or yell or just a fight.

But last night he slept in the bed all night. I woke up around two and his arms around me felt foreign for a second. Lying with my husband must have seriously calmed me because I slept till past 9 for the first time since our son…

Making the bed, packing a weeks worth of clothes and lingerie when he clearly meant for us to stay just the weekend; I couldn’t stop bouncing around. My husband spoiled me, he treated me like he was afraid to let me down. Attention, affection, sex, selfless, nasty sex. So not getting that attention had me not just stressed physically but emotionally I was wrecked.

However! There is no way we were staying at the Four Seasons for a weekend and not wearing each other out.

I did one last check around the house. Called my mother and sister to let them know I’d be out of pocket for a couple days and smiled as the chauffeur opened the back door to my town car.

In the backseat was an open bottle of chilled wine, some grapes and two envelopes. I grabbed the smallest one. It was his Amex. He paid all the bills but my credit card bills.

I opened the other envelope.

“Dear Wife… I pushed your spa day back till one. Buy what you want. Well, buy most of what you want. I’d appreciate it if you forget to buy panties. We haven’t played that little game we like to play at dinner in awhile. We can’t live in the past any longer. We’ll make this right tonight and we’ll make another child tonight or at least get started trying. I love you.”

When he wanted something he made it happen. I think I had my husband back!

Part IV this afternoon.

Saying “I Do…”

The day I realized I was a real writer is the day I realized no matter where I was or what I was doing I could see the story in my mind. All I needed was a picture, a moment, a memento and I could bring it to life. Today it was a Wedding Dress and the thought of her smile.


I thought I would be nervous, I thought my hands would be shaking or my knees getting ready to buckle. I was twenty nine and the idea of sleeping with one woman for the rest of my life seemed unimaginable just a year ago. But standing here, seeing everyone stand up, hearing the music playing, I felt a sense of calm I’d never felt before.

A sense of love and pride and faith that’s like a halo over my head. My parents, her parents, my boys, her bridesmaids, none of them mattered. None of them were there, in my mind it was just me waiting up here. Just me at the altar waiting for her to come thru those doors.

Adele came thru the speakers, her mom almost had a heart attack that she wasn’t walking down the aisle to “Here comes the bride” but this was her day, our day and this song was our song. This song represented everything we were, everything we felt. She was my “One and Only…”

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only

I promise I’m worth it to hold in your arms

So come on and give me the chance

To prove I’m the one who can

Walk that mile until the end starts

Come and give me the chance

To prove that I’m the one who can

Walk that mile until the end starts.

I could hear the collective breath of the audience as she came into view, I’m sure every man says his first child is the most beautiful baby anyone has ever seen. Every parent thinks their son or daughter is the smartest person in the classroom. I’m positive every man that has stood at this alter before me just knew his wife was perfect.




Looking at her in that dress, seeing her shoulders, her neck, her collarbone glow, the grace, the sex appeal, the way every eye was not only on her but ON HER! There has never been a more perfect bride in this world, a more perfect woman for this song and for this MOMENT!

I have imagined this all, I imagined it the first night we hung out, I imagined it the first night we saw that wedding dress in the window. I imagined it the first time I held her hand and kissed her, it wouldn’t be easy but anything worth having is worth fighting for.

And her love was worth fighting for, THIS MOMENT WAS WORTH FIGHTING FOR! The closer she got to the altar, the more the emotion hit me, the more I knew it was going to happen. I could stop holding my breath, I could stop thinking this was all a dream or a story, this was life…



I grabbed her hands, they were warm and soft and perfect. They were the hands that belonged to me now, the fingers, the nails, they were all mine. She was mine, I was worthy, she was giving me a chance to love her forever!

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness two people be joined in Holy Matrimony…”

Honestly, I wasn’t hearing anything he was saying, I was looking at her. My best man tapped me on my back, the crowd giggled, I snapped out of my trance and remembered the vows I’d written. I knew them by heart, how could I not? Looking at her reminded me of the vows, of the promise I was making to her. I opened my mouth, licked my lips, smiled, talking to her was the most natural thing in the world.

I love you… I have since I was born I think. Even before I met you, before I knew you existed, I knew you EXISTED! Because I know in my heart God created you for me, I know in my heart there’s not a soul in this Universe that’s more in sync with what I need, with what I want! In front of God, this minister, our friends and family! I would go to the depths of hell to be with you, to bring you back! I will never let any harm come to you, I will never forsake you or put another before you!

I squeezed her right hand tighter and wiped a tear away from her face with my left hand.

Nobody’s perfect but you’re close. I don’t want you to obey me or to stay with me until death do us part, I want you work with you and stay alive with me for eternity! In this life and the next! Waking up next to you every morning is a gift that I thank God for everyday! EVERY SINGLE DAY! You’re my wife, my heart and my soul! You’ll be the mother of my children and the foundation to my life and strength! I don’t know where I would be or who I would be without you. I don’t love you… I’M “IN LOVE” WITH YOU! At the mention of your name alone I still get chill bumps, will you marry me? Will you accept this love I have for you in my heart!?

“I said yes then, I’m saying yes today and I’ll say yes everyday you ask! I DO! I DO! I DO!”

The preacher laughed because she didn’t say her vows, she just skipped over all that and said “I do!” But it wasn’t a laughing matter to me, she was my wife, it was her day, she could do what she wanted!

“I DO!”

He just looked at us, “It seems my work here is done, place the ring on her finger.”

I did and she cried, this was going to be the best sex ever tonight. “By the Holy Father and the State of Texas I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may kiss your Bride!”

Have I been on your mind?

You hang on every word I say, lose yourself in time

At the mention of my name, will I ever know

How it feels to hold you close

And have you tell me which ever road I chose you’ll go

I don’t know why I’m scared, I’ve been here before

Every feeling every word, I’ve imagined it all,

You never know if you never tried to forgive your past

And simply be mine


Lunch Time Thoughts and Vows…

I’m at work incredibly sleepy at the moment. A weekend that consists of liquor and sleepless nights tends to make for groggy Mondays. But as I sit here typing my life away on my Blackberry I started to think about something rather serious.

My marriage vows…

And I’m aware there’s no wedding date set. No honeymoon plans paid and no ring on a finger.

No girlfriend either though that’s not really a concern. I just think about them a lot. So I’m going to write a dry run. Since I need to use a woman for the vows to feel real I’ll use *……*.

I hope you don’t mind.

‘Dearly beloveded blah blah blah…’

As we stand at this alter there is no doubt that this is the happiest moment of my life.

There isn’t a morning that goes by that I don’t wake up and expect you to be gone. Because I can’t imagine that you’re real. Every call, every touch, every moment I lay my eyes on you I fall in love.

People say you shouldn’t make a person your world, your everything, because without them what do you have?

I tell those same people they never had you in their life. I love you and if you’ll have me on this day I’ll spend everyday after making sure you never want for a thing.

I love you ….

There isn’t a war I wouldn’t fight just to put a smile on your face.