I’ve never claimed to be the most religious man in the world but what I am above all else is spiritual. I believe that treating people right, doing right by your family and friends and strangers matters in life. Above all else I believe that when a man finds a woman he wants to make his wife; he’s found a life.
The other day some people were talking about how men that have been divorced make better boyfriends, better husbands. Their logic was they’ve already made the mistakes so they know what not to do. I can’t say I fault their logic, isn’t it human nature to want a readymade product? I don’t see it like that though.
I’ve never been married and I very much want a wife, I want a family. Is there a possibility that I’ll be a bad husband, a bad father, a bad provider? No. There isn’t that possibility at all. I know most people will tell you never to be so decisive about who you are and in most cases I’d agree. Never say never. Not in this case though. I won’t fail her, no matter what it takes once I feel in my heart that I want to make this woman my wife I won’t fail her.
Ask any divorced couple you run across if they thought they would get a divorce on their wedding night? Ask a woman that gave every possible ounce of herself to save her marriage if she could have done more and she’ll look at you like, “You just don’t get it.” Ask a man that watched his wife fall out of love with him if he quit on his marriage, he’ll tell you, “It takes two to fight for that union and I was fighting alone.”
I stopped writing that my first marriage, my first wife, would be my only wife because I felt like I was saying that all the people that have been divorced weren’t willing to fight for their marriage. I felt like by saying I wouldn’t let her fall out love with me or give her a reason to not be happy that I know something all these other couples didn’t know. So for the longest time I stopped saying it, I stopped writing “When I get married, it’s God sending me what I’ve been asking for.” I was wrong. It’s not that I’m a better man than these men that have been divorced. It’s not that the woman I’ll marry is a better woman.
Faith means you can’t look at what may go wrong. Faith means just because one out of two married couples are getting divorced, that doesn’t mean you carry around a mindset like, “Let me prepare myself if this doesn’t work.” My mindset is that my first wife, the woman I have my first child with, the first woman I propose to. She’ll be it. We’ll have this life where we build a home, raise a family, help each other grow. I won’t apologize for wanting and believing that we can get it right the first time. A man that finds a wife finds a life because we aren’t meant to do this alone. Life isn’t a fairytale but that doesn’t mean we can’t have happy endings.
~ Demez F. White