He’s What You Want… I’m What You Need

Love-sex-and-sexuality-30837383-500-332.jpgHe tells you he loves you because you’re beautiful, because you look good on his arm. Because he’s never dated a woman that was as well rounded or witty or sexual. I tell you I love you because I mean it, because we complement each other, because I don’t have to try and make you smile… it just comes natural when we’re around each other.

He thinks your favorite restaurant is the most expensive one he can afford. A steak or lamb chops, wine and truffles. I know you think red meat is too heavy and even though you’ll eat one every now and again it’s far from your favorite food. I know a good margarita or vodka and cranberry sits in front of you far more than bottles of wine do. I know hot wings and a pizza do far more for you than a porterhouse or lobster.

When he looks at you, he sees a porcelain doll. He gets mad when guys call your phone or when you post a picture on FB and say thank you to all the compliments you get. He wasn’t insecure before he met you but now losing you would be a blow to his pride. I treat you like a woman, like a warm blooded, young, voracious woman. I’m not afraid to bite you or grab you from behind when you tell me to leave you alone. Other men looking at you or flirting with you doesn’t bother me because I’m the one going home with you.

You want him because he doesn’t look at you like I look at you. You want him because losing his love will be a speed bump in your life’s story and losing my love will shape your life. You’ll be over him in a day, a week. You’ll think about me every time you see my books on your shelves or hear one of your girls ask about me because we’re all each other talked about. Our love is scary because it runs so deep and when something runs that deep the damage it can cause…

But why be cautious?

Why waste your time with someone you merely want when you can be making memories with someone you need?

He’s safe and nice and maybe he’s a good guy but he can never turn you on the way I can. He can never make you want to be a better woman because he doesn’t have it in him to push you. We make each other better and that’s why I’ll always be in your heart like you’re always in mine.

I pray for you every night because I want the best for you. This isn’t a love letter or my way of saying I want you back. Our time is over and I’m aware of that, loves last for a season and our season was one for the ages. Don’t settle for someone just because you’re afraid to love as hard as you’re able to. You’re doing yourself an injustice.

“If you love someone, you let it go; and if it comes back to you it was meant to be. If it doesn’t it’s time to move on.” I have no idea who came up with that quote but I can honestly say that I think that’s the most ridiculous thing ever! When you love someone the last thing you want to do is let them go, the last thing you want is to spend time apart from them even if time apart is what you need. Love isn’t something you can control or rationalize because the pain of knowing that if they’re not with you they’re with someone else is worse than any pain you can imagine. If you love someone fight for them until they look you in your eyes and tell you that you should stop fighting. And if that day comes, accept it knowing that having loved and lost will make you that much more prepared for the person God has in store for you.

I Want To…

228263_581014860585_118401058_31484293_5420516_nI Want To…

I want to feel your hand inside of my hand as we lie on the couch and watch a movie. I want to feel the texture of your skin as our fingers intertwine. I want to feel the warmth of the blood circulating thru those five little pieces of perfection that are so soft and comforting.

I want to know you’re struggling with your desire to kiss me. That you’re just as aroused sitting next to me, feeling my body heat, that I am sitting next to you. I want to know the feelings mutual.

I want to know that panties are always optional when you walk thru my door. That your freaky side, your kinky side, your sexual side comes alive at the thought of seeing me. Pushing you against the wall, running my hands up your thighs, sucking your neck without leaving a mark is a talent.

Texting you.

Calling you.

Facebooking you.

Emailing you.

And never getting tired of hearing your voice, of reading your words, of seeing your pictures.

It’s impossible for anyone to know how much I miss this, how much I crave this. I pray about it, I pray that God sends me someone. I feel guilty afterwards, I feel guilty because I know that there’s so many more important issues in the world. But I feel like the longer I go feeling so alone the more I’m self destructing.

I want to go shopping with you and watch you try on clothes. I want to eat fatty foods and run them off with you in the morning. Fuck them off with you at night. I want to go see Christmas lights and ice skate and do all that corny stuff couples do.

Do you know why I have this big ass Christmas tree up when I don’t have any children or a woman? I have it up because I want to not feel like my house is so empty. I want to look at that tree and feel like it’ll bring me some good luck.

I want you to tell me you love me. To cry at the thought of me not being here. To look me in my eyes and tell me life wasn’t the same before me and you can’t be the same after me. I want you to want me as much as I’m going to want you.

I want you to look me in my eyes and tell me to stop drinking because you’re the only high I need. I want you to save me from myself.

I want to be happy, I think I’ve forgotten how happy feels like.