There Isn’t A More Dangerous Drug Than Love

Last Night In Paradise

Last Night In Paradise

Have you ever seen someone trying to beat an addiction? Not on a movie or in a book but literally smelt, felt, saw that person not have control of their bodily functions. They couldn’t stop sweating, couldn’t stop scratching, couldn’t sleep. The intensity of the pain almost makes you want to go out and get them the drugs their body is so desperately craving. It’s a fate I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.

Heroin, cocaine, alcohol, pills, there’s hundreds of drugs people can become addicted to and all of them have the ability to take your life or destroy your life but none of those drugs are as dangerous as love. Love separate’s itself because unlike crack or coke or even liquor love can’t be treated with medicine or rehab. There’s no 12 step program for getting someone out of your heart and your thoughts.

I once read that it takes twice as long as you were with someone to get over them. I’m not sure if that’s true but I wouldn’t doubt it, especially if the love was real. If it was intense and serious. The thing about love that we seem to forget is that it isn’t in our heads, love is an actual drug that seeps into our veins and it changes us.

When you feel like you’re about to lose that man or woman you love, your heart starts beating fast, your head hurts. You can’t hold any food down because you feel nauseous, all your energy is gone. Work doesn’t seem as important, family doesn’t seem as important. It’s almost as if your world stops at the thought of a life without them. That’s the effect love has on us, no other drug can do that.

You can get coke from a dozen different dealers. You can get liquor from a hundred different restaurants and stores. Most highs come in varieties but love is usually unique to one person. Think about that for a second; imagine having the flu and there was only one doctor on this earth that has the medicine you need. That’s love. There’s only one person that can stop the pain that started in your heart but that has taken over and paralyzed your body.

It’s okay to feel like you’re immune, like “That will never happen to me.” But if you’ve never felt the pain of love than you’ve never felt the pleasure of love either. If you’ve never felt the withdraws of someone you need to survive, than you’d never felt the high of holding a woman in your arms and feeling as though you don’t even need oxygen as long as the warmth of her breath is on your neck. Love is dangerous and cruel at times but that is only surpassed by the beauty of that same love.

Addictions

Her…

Rainy days aren’t meant to be spent alone, it’s something about the thunder, the lightening, the rain beating against the roof that caused the inside of my thighs to convulse. Maybe it was the Brazilian that was a couple days old or the fact that I was running late and forgot to put on panties. Either way my hormones were fucking with my train of thought and before I knew it my phone was in my hand. Music had a way of bringing up old memories and the radio station wasn’t doing me any favors with this old school mix they were playing.

There’s a meeting in my bedroom was pumping through my speakers and I’ll be damned if that wasn’t the last song we made love to. Wait… Wait… Who am I kidding, it was the last song we fucked to. A dark alley, my shirt and bra on, all his clothes on… The front seat of his truck, that wasn’t making love, that was what it was.

The body wants what it wants right?

Him…

It was barely five and I was past drunk. I used to love rain and now all this bullshit did was remind me of her. A hot shower, some good music and my bottle was all I had to keep me company. No matter how many women I called or tried to hook up with, they just weren’t keeping my fucking interest! My phone stayed close to me, in my hand, the pocket of my pajama pants, on my counter or desk. I was just waiting for the perfect text or call to come through.

Seeing her name on my screen wasn’t what I was expecting and now I was right in the middle of her fucking with me.

I don’t care… Do what you want!

You don’t care huh, call me and tell me that.

I don’t have to prove anything to you.

If you don’t care, call and tell me you don’t care!

I knew I wasn’t strong enough to walk away from her, I was tired of the bullshit, the drama. Her provoking me! But what was I supposed to do, these other women were not doing the job but if I called her I knew where it would lead.

The drink was cold in my hand, the liquor had me in my feelings, the rain had me ready to make a baby and she had me ready to fuck someone up! I let up the window to get some fresh air in, I loved the sound of rain, the mist hitting me in the face.

I need to get this bitch out of my head… One call, just to let her know the shit she was doing didn’t bother me. The texts, the calls, the pictures, I needed to let her know they weren’t getting to me. I had to let her know they weren’t getting to me!

Her…

I knew he would call, he could talk all the shit he wanted, those other ho’s weren’t me which meant he was probably sitting at home stressing. I knew him better than he knew himself.

“Hey baby!” He hated when I was sounding all extra happy and he wasn’t. “So you’re happy for me huh?”

“That’s what I said, I’m happy for you.” If there was one man that wore his emotions on his sleeves, it was this man. It was all in his voice.

“Don’t lie to me, not on a Wednesday! I can hear it in your voice… You’re not happy for me.”

He didn’t say anything for a minute, pride was a bitch.

“I’m happy for you Nicolette, I hope he’s treating you right.” If he wanted to play this game I would play it with him.

“He is treating me right, like umm umm good right! I mean, we’re friends right, so you don’t mind me talking about this?”

5, 4, 3, 2, 1… I knew it was coming before he did.

“FUCK YOU AND HIM! I DON’T WANT TO HEAR THAT SHIT!”

I couldn’t help but smile, men would always be men.

“If you don’t want to hear that shit! You need to come make me stop talking about him!” His pride was fucking with him, he didn’t want to be number two, the guy I called when my man wasn’t around but he missed me. He missed the sex, the comfort, the words.

“I’m not that guy, I’m not a fucking sideline ho!”

I was horny; I needed his tongue and his passion tonight. It was a long day.

“You want me, you know you want me! I’m down the street from my place, if you’re not here by eight I’ll take that as you didn’t want to be here.”

I hung up, pulled into my complex and thought about what I was going to wear tonight. He was coming and I was going to cum!

Him…

What the hell was I doing, I was too drunk to be driving in the first place and besides that I was starting to hate this girl. So why the hell was I hitting the freeway trying to get to her? Puling up to her gate, I wasn’t confused, I knew I wanted to be here but what I didn’t get was why the hold was so strong?

I downed a bottle of water, trying to sober myself up, at least a little bit. But I don’t think it was working.

She had a crazy baby daddy, a man that was paying his weight in gold for her and God knows what else going on. I took my gun and put it behind my back, drunk or not I wasn’t crazy. I took the stairs asking myself why I was weak behind her.

When she opened the door I had the answer to my question…

A pair of pink boy shorts, light green trim, no top, no shoes, her hair on her shoulders. I knew what I was here for and I didn’t regret it! If I was going to do this, I was going to do it! I picked her up and she wrapped her legs around my waist, her scent, her lips, the feel of her in my arms, everything seemed so familiar, so perfect!

Maybe I was just a thing for her, just a release and I knew I would pay for this, I knew it would fuck my head up but I needed this. I wanted this.

Her lips on my lips, the heat from her pussy on my stomach, there was no where else I wanted to be. “So you didn’t miss me huh? You didn’t miss me?! Tell that shit to your other bitches!” I pushed her on the floor, her legs wrapped around me, my mouth on her neck!

“I don’t care what you do! I just want the pussy! That’s all I came for!” She flipped me over, took control and got on top of me! But my chin and my chest.

“Tell that shit to someone else! You want me, you know I’m all you think about.” She stood up and took off the boy shorts, stuffed them in my pocket.

“You wont’ taste this again, so take those home with you and smell them when you get hard! Your other bitch doesn’t smell like that!”

She stood directly over me and just looked down, touching herself, balancing herself on her toes. “Tell me you want to taste it! Say it or I promise I’ll kick you out of here right now!” She was trying to punk me, to make herself the aggressor. I needed to tell her to go to hell, that I didn’t give a fuck. But how was I supposed to do that with her cat staring at me. Pretty, pink, bare…

“I want to taste it.”

I could feel the heat coming down on my mouth before I could taste it, three months felt like three decades. Between my mouth watering and her wetness the sound was like bath water running. I could feel myself drowning but I didn’t want her to get up.

“Eat it baby! Eat it! Show me you love me!”

Did I love her? Did I? Or was I in love with what she did to me? She was a high, an addiction. I swallowed her, licked her, sucked her, I wanted her to know how much I missed her. How in control of this pussy I was!

I picked her up and threw her on her back, her legs on my shoulders. Naked, sweating, her chest pumping up and down. I knew I should have put on a condom but I couldn’t help myself, the warmth, the tightness, the moistness. It was worth it, she was always worth it.

She liked it rough, hard, she loved talking dirty. I bit down on her neck, I wanted him to see a hickie, a mark! If there was a him he would know I was here!

“DAMN! FUCK ME! FUCK ME!”

In my mind we were making love, in my heart we were cherishing this moment. In reality… She was getting a nut and I was falling deeper in a situation I shouldn’t be in.

Cuffing Season or Settling Season?

182240_562470723185_118401058_31406809_1126638_nIt’s incredibly easy to feel like cold weather and a Boyz II Men Christmas CD is Gods way of telling you that he doesn’t want you to be alone during the Holiday season but isn’t there something sort of off about giving the most intimate and family oriented time of year to someone just because it’s cold or you don’t want to go to Thanksgiving dinner alone?

I’ve been guilty of making cuffing season jokes since Halloween, maybe even before that, but understand something, Cuffing season is a real thing. Outside of the songs and jokes people really do enter into situationships this time of year and there are tangible reasons for it. The weather is colder, the nights come earlier, people don’t want to go out. It feels better lying on the couch watching a movie, cooking and staying warm. The Holidays feel better when there’s someone to share them with even if that’s not someone you were wanting to spend that time with in June or July.

It’s more than just physical interaction by the way and by physical I’m not talking about sex. It’s being close to someone, laying on them, cooking next to them, seeing them step out the shower. Even if you never do more than feel their body heat against yours you’re building a connection with someone based off the fact it’s cold outside. You’re spending Thanksgiving feeding him or her, you’re going to buy them a Christmas gift because you like how they look in a tie or a pair of shoes. Feelings start to develop that aren’t real because come Spring you’re going to want to pursue other options. We all want to be important to someone, the important thing is that it isn’t phantom importance.

There’s a difference between compromising and settling, compromising is having an honest opinion about where you are in life and what you’re looking for and realizing your expectations will have you lonely. Settling is seeing the way someone looks at you and falling in love not with that person but with that feeling. Settling is him calling you and asking if you’re hungry and you remembering how good that feels to know someone is thinking about you. “Cuffing Season” isn’t the time of year to decide which is which. It’s okay to be alone, being alone is better than having to pull yourself out of a situation you never intended on being in anyway.

Why A Woman Needs A Husband…

God didn’t create us to be alone. I’ve written this before and this is pretty much why I write in a sense.

I don’t really like writing from a woman’s perspective at times because I’m not really telling you all anything you don’t already know but it helps when you hear it articulated from a male point of view. The thing is I know that women make me better, I know that love and support and memorable moments will just mean more once I’m married or even in a serious relationship. I can admit that to myself.

But what I’m seeing a lot of lately is women that are starting to get this mindset that marriage just isn’t necessary anymore. Being single and dating and living alone is better than the bullshit. Maybe they really believe that…. Or maybe, just maybe they haven’t found the right guy to change their mindset.

Because if you know like I know the same way a woman will change my life is the same way I’ll change hers for the better. Because that’s what we do, good men make good women great! And good women make good men unstoppable.

Protection- I was at a gun show yesterday, they had all these pretty pink pistols and tasers. Self defense classes and posters encouraging women to get their concealed hand gun licenses. “Protect yourself!” was the motto. Look, if you’re living alone I understand that you have to look out for you. But between you and I… Wouldn’t you rather have a man do that? A husband that would put himself inbetween you and harm and danger and fear. A man that is willing to not only take a bullet for you but to beat the hell out of anyone that threatened you or disrespected you? Some women have brothers, some have homeboys but there is nothing like knowing that if anyone hurts you he’ll hurt them. In 2012 most of the women I meet make just as much if not more than me, most of them have more education and have traveled just as much. But what I can still provide, besides that ring. Is the ability to get out of a warm bed, tell her to lock the bedroom door and go downstairs or outside to see what that noise is.

Release- Sex is dangerous and addictive. It’s the one thing that screws up seemingly good women. How many women are reading this or know a woman that doesn’t really drink, has never done drugs, has never even skipped a class in college but has went crazy behind a man? So what happens, either she tried to turn off emotions which is basically impossible or she just stops having sex. One month turns into four months which turns into a year. For all the talk about hoes and boppers the average woman sleeps with less than 5 men in her lifetime. That’s a lot of sexual frustration. The right husband fixes all of that because you’re not worried about diseases or pregnancy or him just wanting to hit it. You married him so you trust him so your body is his and his is yours and when you need that release, when you need to be unapologetically freaky and nasty he isn’t going to judge you or tell his friends. You’re his wife… Sexual releases without guilt or fear or “what-ifs” are rare these days.

Friendship/Companionship- You know what bothers about a lot of the women I either meet or talk to? It’s this dependence they have on friends. This idea that my girl or my boy is just so much more important than any person I could ever date. An example, she words a lot so she finally gets a day off. She has to spend it with her friends. She has a problem, she needs to vent, she has to call her friends first. Don’t mistake what I’m saying, friends are a great thing. But how many married couples do you know that spend more time with their friends than their husband? How many married couples do you know (happily married) that don’t call their man or woman their bestfriend? When you’ve had a bad day and all you want is comfort, I can pretty much guarantee you that lying on the couch with a man that loves you and just decompressing is better than happy hour with your “girl” that’s going to blow you off next week because she’s in her 4th FB relationship in the past 6 months. The older we get, the more we start to lean on our partners. The easier and more serious conversations get. Husbands listen not because they have to but because any man worth his weight in gold knows that being there for his wife means she’s not going out there looking for another ear.

Growth- Who you are today isn’t who’ll you’ll be a year from now. Who you are at 22 isn’t who you’ll be at 32. Growth isn’t just physically but mentally and spiritually, I know so many guys that just got tired of running the streets, avoiding calls and certain restaurants because one of your women might be there. Blocking chicks on FB or hiding certain pictures. It’s tiring… So they grow out of that and they want more. It’s the same thing with women, you can turn a hoe into a housewife, I promise. Because once it’s out of her system, it’s out. She’s done all that dirty shit so now she’s ready to be good. Men and women, husbands and wives help each other grow. Friends often see us for who we were, they grow apart and move on. Husbands grow closer together, women accept all our faults and love us when we make it thru the tough times.

Look, my writing, my message isn’t an attack on women that don’t want to get married or have children. My writing isn’t telling people that friendships aren’t valuable or important. But what my writing is saying is that there will never be a more important relationship then the one you have with the man or woman you marry. You’ll never share more secrets than those that you share with your husband. You’ll never want to protect a person more than you want to protect him or the life you create. I believe in marriage and I believe that our lives are better because of it.

Don’t forget to watch Michelle Obama speak tonight!