Closed Mouths Don’t Get Fed; If You Want Something, Just Ask

fullsizerender2Let’s say you really want to go to a concert or sporting event and you go on Ticketmaster or House of Blues and the event is sold out? What’s the first thing you do if you really want to go? You get online and you look for tickets being sold outside the venue. Why don’t we do that in real life when dealing with real people?

I’ve noticed something, too many people have become too cool to be excited about other people’s blessings. Or maybe it’s simply selfishness. Let’s say I have a friend that’s getting married and they don’t invite me to their wedding but I really want to go. Now I’m a logical man, weddings cost money and we aren’t great friends but I really like this person and want to help celebrate their day. Instead of texting them, “You forgot my invite, lol.” Or making a Facebook post saying, “I guess everyone isn’t cool enough to come to everyone’s wedding.” Or something else that’s passive aggressive why not just call them?

We’ve become so afraid of rejection or feeling like someone may think we’re too pressed that we don’t want to be human. If I know we’re friends but I don’t make the wedding guest list what’s the matter with calling and asking if I can stop by the reception or asking if I can come to the bachelor party or engagement party? If a friend is having their child a birthday party and your child doesn’t get invited, maybe they didn’t have the money to pay for 10 kids at Chuckie Cheese, why not ask if you could pay for your child simply because you want to be there.

I’m not one of those men that pretend I’m too cool for social media. I post statuses, tweet, watch snapchat videos. They’re entertaining and it keeps me abreast of people’s lives that I probably wouldn’t know anything about otherwise. But social media has also made people weary of rejection. I saw an entire thread recently about whether or not a guy should “shoot his shot” and it took me a second to realize that simply meant, “Should a man ask a woman out on a date or for her phone number?” Think about that for a minute, the idea that a woman might say no is so terrifying that men are literally not even risking it. That’s absurd. We’ll fill out 45 job applications when we’re unemployed but if you’re lonely and want a life mate, you’re afraid to ask a woman out? Where in the world does that make sense?

All I’m saying is, rejection is going to happen in every aspect of life but at some point the risk will be worth the reward.

Destination Wedding! Memories To Live For!

Paradise Wedding

Paradise Wedding

I know a lot of people but I don’t have a lot of friends. I’ve become comfortable with that. You have a circle of people you can depend on, talk to, love and the rest are simply associates. Knowing this about myself and of course depending on the woman I marry; I have no desire to have this huge wedding where we’re feeding 300 strangers and stressing out over flowers and bridesmaids and whether or not we should have an open bar because, well, receptions are just better with open bars.

I still make mistakes, a lot of them, but over the years the one thing that I don’t do anymore is compare who I am to who other men are. If a guy has 12 fraternity brothers or played football and is still cool with most of his teammates maybe he wants that big wedding. If a woman works at a hospital and knows every nurse at St. Luke’s maybe she’s looking forward to having 12 bridesmaids.

This isn’t about “my way is better than your way,” it’s simply saying I’d rather spend 30k on a trip to paradise, living like royalty for two weeks and maybe enough for a down payment on a new car or home. Seeing her in the dress is important but the only reason is because it’s her in the dress. Not the lace or the fit or the designer. Let’s use that dress to make memories I can place on my desk while I write, I can look at on my phone when I’m mad at you and remember why I need to go home instead of to happy hour.

Men aren’t supposed to care about these sorts of things but believe me when I tell you I do. Taking underwater pics, me in my tux, you in your dress. Jumping off a cliff into a waterfall representing us jumping into our marriage fearlessly! Cake on your chin, icing on your dress. Sand on our toes, we’ll look and feel a mess but the pictures and memories will be worth it. I have no doubt about that. A destination wedding is the way to go!
under wedding3

Does Anyone Object?

She wasn’t marrying a Senator or Congressman, he wasn’t famous enough to have security but walking thru the church doors my nerves were still shot.

There were way more people than I expected, three times more people than I expected. Almost every seat was full but I scanned and scanned until I found one on the 4th row.

I wasn’t use to wearing suits, I worked with my hands building things. So even though it cost me a months salary and was tailored it still felt wrong. Looking around I noticed some of her friends noticing me but I ignored them. There is no way they could know what was on my mind.

A week ago was the last time I saw her, the last time I kissed her. The last words she spoke to me sat in the pit of my stomach like a cement block.

“I know you love me and if I’m being honest with myself I’ll probably never want anyone as much as I want you… But want and love won’t give me the life my son and I deserve. You know my favorite sandwich and when I need a hug. He dedicates novels to me and named a restaurant after our future daughter. I choose him not only for the security but because he’ll never let me down. It’s not in him to hurt me, you’ve hurt me more times than I can count.”

Those were the last words she spoke to me and now I was here to breakup her wedding. Either she’d walk out of this church with me or I’d know her heart was with him.

The bridesmaids walked in with the groomsmen, the flower girl threw flowers and the music flowed. And then we stood, the lights dimmed and every eye turned to the door. There was a collective gasp as her beauty and sheer radiance swept thru the room.

My palms were sweaty and my first instinct was to close my eyes and ignore the rest of the ceremony but I stayed.

I watched her father give her to him, I watched him remove the veil from her face and even though I couldn’t hear their vows I could see their smiles.

“If there’s anyone here that objects to this union let them speak now or forever hold their peace.”

My legs felt like jello but I stood up.

“I object!”

The world went quiet…

To be continued.