Why Aren’t You Married Yet?

FB-Ring.jpgIt’s in poor taste to ask a woman her age.

It’s sort of not cool to ask a married couple when they’re going to have children.

Why do we really care when someone is going to move out of their parents’ home?

I can list a dozen different questions in a dozen different areas of life that aren’t probably the coolest questions to ask but people ask them anyway. Let’s add one more to the list.

“When are you going to get married?”

There are several reasons why people ask.

  1. They can be family and friends that are generally interested in your happiness and they want chubby babies to hold and put on Facebook and Instagram.
  2. They can be friends that think he/she is wasting your time and they’re asking you the question so that you can see he/she is wasting your time.
  3. Their relationship sucks and they are married or aren’t married but either way they see in you two what they want so it makes them want it for you.
  4. People are just nosy.
  5. If you’re too impressive in life it intimidates people. They start to look for reasons to pick you apart. If they can’t do it on a singular level they’ll do it on a relationship level.

 

I’m not naïve to the fact that friends have conversations. That guys talk at work or in the barbershop and girls talk in group text and over drinks. I’m not blind to any of this at all, so I know the question will get asked, especially when you’ve been dating someone for a while. What I don’t get is when it comes from complete strangers or people you aren’t cool with.

My mom wants to ask me why we haven’t gotten married, it’s my mom. Her aunt or best friend wants to ask me, those are people that love me. A random co-worker that sees a picture or reads a blog wants to ask me? Who sent you? I’m not cool enough to insert meme’s into my writing but if I was I’d insert one here.

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This may sound cliché but there’s no right or wrong way to do marriage or love. I’m sure you’ll read a hundred different experts tell you they have the answers. Most of those experts have been divorced three times and probably don’t slap their wife on the ass when she’s leaving the house. Some people get married in 3 months and they thrive and some get married in 3 years, either way it’s their decision. I get it, believe me I do, we let people in our lives via Social Media and they care. I know it’s become cool to “give no f*cks” and to say, “I’m not on social media like that,” but if you have a smart phone and have to deal with Houston traffic, you probably are on social media like that.

The next time someone that doesn’t know my middle name or wouldn’t call me if they hadn’t or from me in a month asks me, “When are you going to get married?” I’m going to start to ask some questions back. “When are you going to stop commenting on pictures of women that look nothing like your wife?” “When are you going to tell your kids to stop asking to play with my phone? My games are for me, not them.” “When are you going to respect your marriage?” Nothing to shady but just enough so they understand that it’s not okay.

The Cowboys lost last night and the Texans won so that’s always good too.

I Want to Catch You Everytime You Fall- Love Letter #14

2015/01/img_0629.jpgDear Future Wife,

On this Valentine’s eve I just want to say good morning, I know it’s early but I couldn’t really sleep last night. I’ve read so much about Valentine’s Day this week and about whether or not it’s relevant to a relationships interest. I can’t speak for anyone but myself but I love the idea of celebrating love. I love the idea of celebrating anything.

This is the thing, I’m the sort of man that takes pride in making my woman fall every chance I get. You get a two dollar raise at work and call me at lunch, we’re going to dinner that night. You get an A on a test I know you’ve been studying hard for, I’m buying you a cupcake with a candle just so you can make a wish that you make an A on the next test. Love isn’t perfect and it’s unique to every situation but one thing that love is; love cares more about us than it does them. Maybe Valentine’s Day is commercial and exploits the loneliest of us. I can see that but maybe it also brings out the lover in the best of us.

I will stumble and fall, I’m still learning to love, still learning to be the man I know I can be. The same way I’m willing to catch you when you fall and give you the world is the same way I’d hope you never give up on me. I have no desire to say goodbye. No desire to pretend that I’m this cool guy that doesn’t care or is excited at the thought of not spending any money on February 14, 2015. I’d rather be spending tonight watching scary movies, grocery shopping so we can eat a dinner we prepared together and wake up seeing your face. A day to celebrate love, I’m here for that.

There’s no desire in me to try and convince anyone that they should buy flowers and candles and cuddle naked eating candy. No, that’s on each individual relationship. All I’d like for you to know is that when our day comes, when you and I are best friends and nothing or no one else matters in those moments we’re laughing and looking into each other’s eyes just know days like today and tomorrow when you’re not here are going to make me appreciate you that much more.

Love Always and Forever,

Demez

A Man Who Finds A Wife Finds A Life

Wife is Life

Wife is Life

“Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all. Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears The Lord is to be praised. Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.” Proverbs 31:29-31

I’ve never claimed to be the most religious man in the world but what I am above all else is spiritual. I believe that treating people right, doing right by your family and friends and strangers matters in life. Above all else I believe that when a man finds a woman he wants to make his wife; he’s found a life.

The other day some people were talking about how men that have been divorced make better boyfriends, better husbands. Their logic was they’ve already made the mistakes so they know what not to do. I can’t say I fault their logic, isn’t it human nature to want a readymade product? I don’t see it like that though.

I’ve never been married and I very much want a wife, I want a family. Is there a possibility that I’ll be a bad husband, a bad father, a bad provider? No. There isn’t that possibility at all. I know most people will tell you never to be so decisive about who you are and in most cases I’d agree. Never say never. Not in this case though. I won’t fail her, no matter what it takes once I feel in my heart that I want to make this woman my wife I won’t fail her.

Ask any divorced couple you run across if they thought they would get a divorce on their wedding night? Ask a woman that gave every possible ounce of herself to save her marriage if she could have done more and she’ll look at you like, “You just don’t get it.” Ask a man that watched his wife fall out of love with him if he quit on his marriage, he’ll tell you, “It takes two to fight for that union and I was fighting alone.”

I stopped writing that my first marriage, my first wife, would be my only wife because I felt like I was saying that all the people that have been divorced weren’t willing to fight for their marriage. I felt like by saying I wouldn’t let her fall out love with me or give her a reason to not be happy that I know something all these other couples didn’t know. So for the longest time I stopped saying it, I stopped writing “When I get married, it’s God sending me what I’ve been asking for.” I was wrong. It’s not that I’m a better man than these men that have been divorced. It’s not that the woman I’ll marry is a better woman.

Faith means you can’t look at what may go wrong. Faith means just because one out of two married couples are getting divorced, that doesn’t mean you carry around a mindset like, “Let me prepare myself if this doesn’t work.” My mindset is that my first wife, the woman I have my first child with, the first woman I propose to. She’ll be it. We’ll have this life where we build a home, raise a family, help each other grow. I won’t apologize for wanting and believing that we can get it right the first time. A man that finds a wife finds a life because we aren’t meant to do this alone. Life isn’t a fairytale but that doesn’t mean we can’t have happy endings.

~ Demez F. White

Don’t Fear Death; Fear Not Living

379994_610579043725_118401058_31642843_1262844695_n My back has been killing me the past few days so I went to the doctor today. I thought maybe I pulled something at work or slept wrong on the couch. She told me I had some fluid in my lungs, that my left lung was working twice as hard because my right lung was struggling.

It wasn’t back pain, it was my lung. “I think it’s a blood clot and if it is you need to go get a ct scan so we can get in and get it ASAP. In that moment my life flashed before my eyes. The seriousness in her eyes, the realization that I wasn’t overreacting when I felt like something just wasn’t right with my body. In that moment I thought I would die.

I’ve said so many times I’m not afraid of death, that I’m only afraid of dying unaccomplished. That’s bullshit, I don’t want to die at all, I don’t want to leave my family, I don’t want to not have a wife and a son and a daughter. I want to see my novels turned into movies and on library shelves. The fear was real and in those couple of hours waiting on those test results all I saw was all I didn’t accomplish. Sitting in the parking lot of the Kelsey Seybold clinic crying and praying and begging I knew that whatever happened, whatever the results my life would never be the same.

The test results came back negative in reference to the blood clot but the fluid is still here, the pain is still here, it’s still a struggle to breathe too heavily or talk too much. I still live with the fear that I’m going to lie down and not wake up. That I’m going to take a deep breath and not be able to exhale.

Most men love to say they have no regrets, I’m not one of them. There are so many things I regret, so many things I have to make right. So many kisses I need to give, so many trips I have to take, so many hugs I blew off.

If I’m being honest, I’ve seen my death so many times in my head. I’ve seen my family standing over me in the hospital room, I’ve seen their tears and I’ve felt their heartbreak. I’ve seen my last moments and as brave as I’d like to be that scares me because a part of me feels like it’s all coming true.

My body just doesn’t feel right and the more I pretend like everything is going to be alright to be strong for those around me, the more I’m coming to accept that I can’t live afraid to die. I have to live like I could die at anytime.

Don’t take life for granted because God says, “No man knows the hour or the time.”

Another Man’s Child…

a belly “Can I touch it?”

“It’s not going to bite you.”

Two years, maybe more than that since I’d seen her. There wasn’t the awkwardness I thought there would be but it was still weird seeing her sitting on my couch. I wanted to touch it, she said it was alright if I did but it just didn’t feel right. Considering it wasn’t mines anymore. She was still beautiful, still sexy, still everything I remembered, everything that motivated me. Getting in front of her on my knees I put my hands on it, rubbed it. She giggled, she smiled, I looked up at her and saw she was happy. As long as she was happy that’s all that mattered to me.

Her stomach wasn’t big enough for a baby bump but with her shirt unbuttoned and her sitting down it wasn’t hard to tell. I couldn’t take my hand away, I kept hoping he would kick or growl or whatever babies do. I just wished he was mine, for the moments my hands were on her skin I wished we were enjoying this together and she wasn’t just here to pick up a book and see how I was doing.

The bible said it was wrong to covet another man’s wife but it didn’t say anything about another man’s fiancé. She smelled like I remembered even though I didn’t know the perfume, her hair was the same, she looked a little more mature but it fit her. I met her when she was barely 21 now she was almost 24. I met a girl, the woman sitting on my couch was a woman. She was comfortable around me, secure around me. I couldn’t deny I still loved her but I also couldn’t deny she was in love with him. Kissing her stomach while she played in my hair I knew today was only about pleasure for her. Sliding my tongue past her bellybutton I knew I’d probably never see her again but if this was our goodbye I would make her remember it.

TO BE CONTINUED….

Moans of Pleasure or Moans of Revenge?

228263_581014860585_118401058_31484293_5420516_nWhat’s real? Words aren’t always real, emotions live and die in the moment and a touch isn’t always just a touch. So what’s real? Is the pleasure real? Is her body under my body real? Is my tongue inside of her real? Are her moans for me or are they for the hurt he’s caused her? Are they moans of pleasure or moans of revenge? Is she real or am I the fool?

“Why is it that you don’t care?” She pushed me in the chest and stood at the foot of the bed, her skin glowing and her eyes dark. “Who says I don’t care?! I just don’t want to argue about some shit that isn’t going to change!” I just wanted her to leave, how many lies can one man stomach, how much disappointment can live inside of such a beautiful face? It wasn’t a stretch to say I hated her, it wasn’t a stretch to say that if I thought I could kill her and get away with it I would.

“How do you live with yourself? You fuck me today and go home and play the dutiful wife and fuck him tonight?! You look me in my face and tell me you think about me when he’s inside of you and you don’t expect me to hate you! You killed my baby but kept his because he has more money in his bank account. God is punishing us, you know that right! He’s punishing you for being a selfish bitch and he’s punishing me for loving you. Until we stop this, until we do right by the people in our lives, neither of us will be happy.”

She crawled onto the bed, I pushed her away. She slapped me! I pushed her away! She bit my chest, I grabbed the back of her neck and held her down on the bed. She scratched the side of my neck, it would have been so easy to snap her neck but I let her go and fell back on the bed. “If you hate me so much, why don’t you use condoms?! Why do you open the door when I come?! You act like you’re so much better than this but you can’t stop no more than I can!”

Holding the back of her neck, her stomach flat on the bed, her scratch marks stinging my chest I spread her legs with knees and went inside of her. The fighting, the screaming, the slammed doors, this is what she wanted from the beginning. What she needed. The harder she moaned the harder I thrust and the harder she came. Were her moans for me and the pleasure I was bringing her or were they for the pain he caused her and the revenge she was getting?

Overwhelming…

black passionBiting into her skin, enough pain to bring pleasure but not enough force to bring pain. Her moans gave me life, her wetness only went to pour gasoline on a fire that was far from being extinguished. Looking into her eyes, lust, desire, fear, surprise were what I saw back. “Why did you even bother wearing panties tonight?” Is what I said while I slid them off? “Because it’s more fun this way and why are you taking them off that way, take them off them with your teeth.” I bit her belly button instead and slid my hand up and down her thighs, the goosbumps evident.

“We don’t have a lot of time while you’re trying to make love. I have to get home.” She smiled and pulled her dress up to her waist. “He’s already getting suspicious every since you left that hickey on my ass that I didn’t know about! Put it in so I can cum and I promise we’ll have more time this weekend.” Her promises only lasted as long as her orgasms. Feeling the warmth surround me, pushing in further and harder I wanted her to take the pleasure and pain and soreness back to him. Biting down on her neck, ignoring her scratches on my back I wanted him to see the marks of pleasure. She pulled my face to hers and looked into my eyes, touching herself and putting her finger in my mouth I came deep inside. “I want him to look like you,” she said even though I wasn’t even sure she would know who the father was, me, or her husband.